The Difference Between Emotional Regulation and Emotional Control—And Why It Matters | Seanna Crosbie, LCSW-S Therapist in Austin, Texas & California
In a recent discussion with a group of therapist colleagues, we dug into a common struggle we see in our clients (and, let’s be honest, sometimes in ourselves too). So many people confuse emotional control with emotional regulation. They believe that being emotionally “strong” means keeping feelings in check, suppressing them, or pushing through no matter what.
But here’s the truth—controlling your emotions isn’t the same as regulating them. One is about avoidance, while the other is about resilience.
Emotional Control: Avoidance Disguised as Strength
Emotional control often looks like composure on the outside, but inside, it’s more about shutting down or dismissing feelings. It’s the instinct to suppress emotions to avoid discomfort or vulnerability.
You get upset but tell yourself, I shouldn’t feel this way.
You push down stress at work, thinking, If I just stay busy, it’ll go away.
You avoid conflict, believing, It’s better to just let things go.
This might work in the short term, but emotions don’t just disappear. They show up later as anxiety, irritability, exhaustion, or even physical symptoms like tension headaches or stomach issues.
Emotional Regulation: Creating Space for Your Feelings
Regulation is about learning to experience emotions without being overwhelmed by them. It means allowing yourself to feel and finding ways to move through those feelings in a way that’s healthy and intentional.
You acknowledge your frustration at work and take a moment to breathe before responding.
You allow yourself to feel grief without judging it or rushing to “get over it.”
You notice when anxiety rises and use grounding techniques to calm your nervous system.
One of the biggest shifts in emotional regulation is creating space for emotions instead of pushing them away. This means letting yourself sit with discomfort, trusting that feelings are temporary, and recognizing that emotions aren’t problems to solve but experiences to navigate.
How to Move from Emotional Control to Emotional Regulation
If you’ve spent years controlling your emotions, shifting to regulation can feel unfamiliar. But it’s possible. Here’s where to start:
Notice your patterns. Do you dismiss, suppress, or override your emotions? Pay attention to what happens when you feel uncomfortable feelings.
Create space for emotions. Instead of rushing to fix or dismiss a feeling, try sitting with it. Name it. Let it be there without judgment.
Use regulation tools. Try deep breathing, mindfulness, movement, journaling, or therapy. These help your nervous system process emotions rather than avoid them.
Reframe emotions as information. Instead of thinking I shouldn’t feel this way, ask yourself, What is this emotion telling me?
Practice self-compassion. Feeling deeply doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human. The more kindness you extend to yourself, the easier regulation becomes.
Regulation doesn’t mean suppressing emotions—it means developing the ability to experience them fully without being consumed by them. And that’s the real strength.
About the Author
Seanna Crosbie, LCSW-S is a therapist in Austin, Texas, and provides telehealth services across California. With over 25 years of experience, she helps clients navigate anxiety, trauma, grief, and emotional wellness. Her approach is rooted in evidence-based practices that support resilience and transformation. For more information, reach out here.
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