How Emotionally Focused Therapy Can Help Heal Anxious Attachment | Seanna Crosbie, LCSW-S – Therapist in Austin, Texas & California
How Emotionally Focused Therapy Can Help Heal Anxious Attachment
Seanna Crosbie, LCSW-S – Therapist in Austin, Texas & California
You’re in the middle of a conversation, but something feels off. Maybe it was a shift in their tone, a slight change in their expression, or the way they paused before responding. Your mind starts racing, scanning for signs that something is wrong. Did I upset them? Are they pulling away? You try to stay present, but the anxiety is already building.
Or maybe it happens after spending time with someone you care about. The moment they leave, doubt creeps in. Did I talk too much? Did I seem too needy? What if they don’t feel as close to me as I do to them? You replay the interaction over and over, searching for reassurance that everything is okay—yet no amount of analyzing ever truly puts your mind at ease.
This is what anxious attachment feels like. Relationships can be filled with deep love and connection, but they can also bring fear, self-doubt, and emotional highs and lows that feel impossible to escape.
If this sounds familiar, know this: anxious attachment isn’t a personal flaw—it’s a response to past relational experiences. And it can be healed.
What Is Anxious Attachment?
Anxious attachment develops in early childhood when caregivers are inconsistent in meeting emotional needs. Sometimes they are warm and responsive, and other times they are distant or unavailable. This unpredictability wires the brain to crave closeness but fear abandonment.
As an adult, anxious attachment often looks like:
Overanalyzing messages, calls, or interactions
Needing constant reassurance in relationships
Fearing abandonment, even when there’s no real threat
Feeling emotionally overwhelmed when a loved one pulls away
Becoming preoccupied with whether someone still cares
Struggling with self-worth, especially when relationships feel uncertain
Even in secure relationships, anxious attachment can make it hard to trust, relax, and believe in the stability of love.The fear of losing connection can feel overwhelming, making it difficult to feel safe in relationships.
How Emotionally Focused Therapy Helps Heal Anxious Attachment
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is an attachment-based approach that helps individuals understand and reshape their emotional responses in relationships. Instead of focusing solely on behaviors, EFT gets to the root of attachment wounds and helps build emotional security.
Here’s how EFT supports healing for anxious attachment:
Identifying Attachment Wounds
In EFT, we explore what activates your fear of abandonment. Maybe it’s when a loved one doesn’t text back right away, when your partner seems distant, or when conflict arises. Understanding why these moments feel so intense helps you respond differently instead of reacting out of fear.
Rewriting Your Relationship Story
Anxious attachment often comes from past experiences where love felt uncertain. EFT helps uncover and process those old wounds so they don’t dictate your present relationships.
Strengthening Emotional Awareness
Anxious attachment creates a flood of emotions—worry, panic, self-doubt. EFT helps you recognize these emotions as signals, not facts. Instead of getting swept up in fear, you learn how to pause, reflect, and respond with self-compassion.
Developing Secure Attachment
The goal of EFT isn’t just to stop anxiety—it’s to help you experience real, deep security in relationships. This means learning to:
Trust in love without constant fear of losing it
Feel comfortable with emotional closeness and space
Express needs clearly without feeling like a burden
Cultivate self-worth that isn’t dependent on relationships
Healing anxious attachment doesn’t mean you stop wanting connection—it means you can experience it without the constant fear of it disappearing.
Final Thoughts: Healing Is Possible with Emotionally Focused Therapy
Anxious attachment can make relationships feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to stay stuck in old patterns. If anxious attachment is impacting your relationships, emotionally focused therapy can help you build the security you deserve.
About the Author
Seanna Crosbie, LCSW-S, is a licensed therapist in Austin, Texas, and California, specializing in emotionally focused therapy, attachment-based therapy, anxiety, and relationship patterns. With over 25 years of experience, she helps clients heal from anxious attachment and build secure, fulfilling relationships. Learn more or schedule a consultation here.
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