Managing Attachment Issues in Relationships | Seanna Crosbie, LCSW-S - Therapist in Austin, Texas & California
Why Do We Push Away the Ones We Love?
You’re in a relationship, things are going well, and then—out of nowhere—you feel distant, anxious, or overwhelmed. Maybe you suddenly crave more attention, or maybe you start looking for an exit. You wonder, Why does this always happen? If this sounds familiar, you might be experiencing attachment issues that impact your relationships. But the good news? Attachment wounds can heal, and you can build healthier, more secure connections.
In this guide, we’ll explore attachment patterns, how they show up in relationships, and most importantly—what you can do about them.
Understanding Attachment: Why It Matters
Attachment is the emotional bond we form with others, first with our caregivers and later with romantic partners and friends. Psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth pioneered attachment theory, showing how our early experiences shape the way we relate to others as adults.
The Four Attachment Styles
Secure Attachment – You trust others, feel comfortable with intimacy, and can express your needs clearly.
Anxious Attachment – You crave closeness but often fear rejection or abandonment.
Avoidant Attachment – You value independence and may struggle with emotional vulnerability.
Disorganized Attachment – You experience both longing and fear in relationships, often due to past trauma.
Your attachment style influences how you handle conflict, express love, and manage emotional intimacy.
How Attachment Issues Show Up in Relationships
Signs of Anxious Attachment
Feeling insecure and needing constant reassurance
Overanalyzing texts, tone, or interactions
Fear of abandonment, even when things are going well
Difficulty setting boundaries due to fear of rejection
Signs of Avoidant Attachment
Feeling suffocated in relationships and needing “space”
Struggling to express emotions or needs
Pushing partners away when things get too intimate
Feeling uncomfortable with deep emotional conversations
Signs of Disorganized Attachment
A push-pull dynamic: wanting closeness but fearing it
High levels of anxiety and emotional dysregulation
History of trauma or unpredictable caregiving
Difficulty trusting both yourself and your partner
What You Can Do to Heal & Strengthen Your Relationships
1. Identify Your Patterns
Self-awareness is the first step. Reflect on past relationships and recognize patterns. Ask yourself:
How do I react to conflict?
Do I feel safe expressing my needs?
Do I tend to cling or withdraw when stressed?
2. Challenge Negative Beliefs
Attachment wounds often stem from deep-seated beliefs like I’m not enough or People will always leave me. Challenge these thoughts by asking:
Is this belief based on past experiences or my current reality?
What evidence do I have that contradicts this fear?
How would I speak to a friend who felt this way?
3. Practice Secure Behaviors
Even if you don’t naturally have a secure attachment style, you can cultivate secure behaviors:
For anxious attachment: Learn to self-soothe before seeking reassurance.
For avoidant attachment: Practice opening up emotionally, even when it feels uncomfortable.
For disorganized attachment: Work on building trust through consistent, healthy communication.
4. Communicate Openly & Honestly
Healthy relationships thrive on clear, honest communication. Practice saying:
“I feel anxious when I don’t hear from you, but I know you care about me.”
“I need some space right now, but I love you and will check in soon.”
“I struggle with trust, but I’m working on it and appreciate your patience.”
5. Seek Therapy & Support
Healing attachment wounds takes time. Therapy provides a safe space to:
Process past relationship trauma
Develop emotional regulation skills
Build healthier relationship patterns
Conclusion: You Are Not Your Attachment Style
Your attachment style is not your destiny—it’s a starting point. The more you understand your relational patterns, the more empowered you are to change them. Healing attachment wounds takes patience, but with awareness and effort, you can cultivate deep, meaningful relationships that feel safe, supportive, and fulfilling.
About the Author
Seanna Crosbie, LCSW-S is a therapist with 25 years of experience helping adults and children navigate grief, trauma, anxiety, OCD, relationships, and parenting challenges. She is a former clinical director and now runs a private practice offering therapy in Austin, Texas, and California. Seanna is committed to providing evidence-based therapy to help clients transform their relationships and heal attachment wounds. For more information, reach out here.
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